I DID IT

 

I have been waiting to write about this, to tell you my story, my journey, my experience with VicRoads.  For as far as I can remember, this must have been the most painful journey I have ever had – in my life!  Going through labour pains with 2 children seems to trivial after what I went through to get my Victorian Driving Licence.  Everything else seemed trivial compared to the stress, disappointment, frustration I went through after failing my driving test so many times. 

I have never stressed so much about one thing before that I couldn’t believe it myself.  I could not believe how stressed I got.  I broke into smaller pieces each time.  Though I may not show it, I was shattered.  My confidence, my determination, my emotional and mental strength were just gone.  I just couldn’t believe it.  I just could not believe my luck.  I started thinking of whether I have done anything wrong in the past that karma has come back to haunt me.  It got to the point where I would make sure I’d do something different from the last like not book for a test the exact same time as the last, not book for the same day, not wear the same clothes in the hopes that I would not fail again.  Of course I prayed and boy did I pray!  I even made sure I put my hand on the dragons and lions in Chinatown at CNY!!  I tried to go into the test with as much confidence as I could muster up but everytime I failed, the confidence gets less.  I would psyche myself up to pass only to be crushed again.

Not only was I disappointed and angry but I became scared of driving.  Each time I failed, I became less confident with my driving to a point of phobia.  I have become a nervous wreck on the road.  I am a good driver and have been since 1996 and I held 2 driving licences from 2 different countries before this and I can drive on both sides of the road but all that went into the drain after so many failures.  I simply couldn’t believe it!

Not only was I stressed, broken, disappointed, frustrated, angry at myself but I was so ashamed!  I was so embarrassed after the 3rd time.  I didn’t know where to put my face after the 3rd failure because all these failures simply show that I was a bad driver.  So ashamed that after the 3rd failure, I refused to tell anyone that I was going for the test again.  I didn’t want people to know that I was going for yet another test only to show them I failed again.  My husband kept telling that I have nothing to be ashamed of but I was.  I mean honestly, you would think that I must be a bad driver to have failed so many times right? 

You all know about 1st, 2nd, 3rd test but there was a 4th failure.  The 4th that only 3 people knew about.  I refused to tell anyone about my 4th test just in case I failed again.  I didn’t want to have to face with the sympathetic messages on Facebook, etc that would only make me cry each time I read.  So when I failed the 4th time, I only had 3 people to be ashamed in front of.  But even then, I cried for days.  And the worse part was that my kids saw me crying.  Everytime I thought about the test I would cry.  Everytime I talked about it with my husband and my 2 other friends I cried.  I had to muster and convince myself to attend a social event that I didn’t feel like going.  I was a wreck.  When people asked me when my test was going to be, I would only say “soon”.  I didn’t want to disappoint anyone again.

Then came the 5th test, boy I have never been so afraid before.  I have never understood or knew the feeling of stress or fear induced vomitting before but now I know.  I now know how it feels like when some people vomit when they are stressed and scared because that was exactly what I felt.  Although I did not come to the point of actual vomitting but I came close.  Everytime I think about the test, I would just gag and I could just feel my guts turning around inside me.  I could literally feel my stomach and heart up my throat, I kid you not.  This is something that I have never experienced before in my life.  Sitting for key examinations, getting married, having my 2 children, moving to Dubai, moving to Melbourne were not as scary as my driving tests at VicRoads.

My friends and family told me to make an official complaint to VicRoads after my 3rd failure because the first 3 tests were conducted by the same tester so there could have been some level of biased judgement.  The 4th test was conducted by a different tester so I guess that rules out any prejudicial reasons and I came to a conclusion that I was just plain bad luck.  However, I did write a letter.  A letter that I didn’t know what to call.  A letter that never got sent:

Dear Sir / Madam

I am writing this letter after much thought and consideration to this appeal.
I am a Malaysian who just moved to Melbourne under the Permenant Residents Visa and I am trying to obtain the Victorian Driving Licence. I hold a Malaysian Drivers Licence and have had it since 1996. I also have a Dubai Driving Licence in which I have held since 2009. Both licences are valid and no records of accidents. With the 2 driving licences from 2 different countries together with 17 years of driving experience, it proves that I am a competent and a mature driver.

I sat for my Knowledge and Hazard & Perception Tests at VicRoads in Hoppers Crossings on 12 July 2012 in which I passed. I then registered for a Drive Test in December which I failed and then failed 3 more tests subsequently.

DRIVE TEST 1 - 10 December 2012, 10.55 am, VicRoads Werribee
I failed this first test for speeding. I was aware of my mistake and acknowledge the failure for this test.

DRIVE TEST 2 - 9 January 2012, 11.10 am, VicRoads Werribee
I failed the drive test again and this time, I was told by the Licence Testing Officer (LTO) that the reason I failed was that I was too cautious. My test was terminated after failing to cross a busy dual carriage road.

I thought that this judgement was rather unfair and subjective. It took me a while to cross because I didn't think it was safe to do so. The road was busy and there were traffic coming from both directions of the road. When I got to the junction, a car came on my left with the intention to turn left. That car stopped quite a head of me in which obstructed my view of the traffic coming from the left. It took a while for that car to make his turn because the traffic coming from the right was busy and by the time he made the turn, the traffic from both sides of the road became rather heavy and I did not think it was safe for me to crossover. The LTO got impatient and terminated the test and failed me before I made the turn.

The LTO was seated behind in the passenger's seat and her vantage is not as good as the driver i.e. myself behind the wheel therefore I feel her judgement to fail me was subjective and unfair. I did not think it was safe for me to make the turn.

DRIVE TEST 3 - 11 February 2013, 11.35 am, VicRoads Werribee
I passed the first part of the test and the LTO was very happy with how I faired in this stage. She made a verbal remark that my driving in this stage was "immaculate".

My test was terminated during the second stage of the test again and the reason given this time was speed. During the test, I was given instructions to do a lane change from the right lane to the left lane. I did so safely but according to the LTO, I went up 65km/h on a 60km/h limit road and the test was terminated immediately. There were two speedometers in the car and I was observing the speedometer in front of me right before she failed me and I was very sure that the needle on the speedometer did not leave the 60km/h mark. My speed might have gone up to 62km/h but it was for less than 5 seconds before I brought the speed down to below 60km/h.

According to your VicRoads Drive Test Handbook Topic 7.5 - Excessive Speed (page 49). Error will be recorded if:
The applicant exceeds the speed limit continously for 5 seconds or more at any time during the test

For reference, please refer to http://www.vicroads.vic.gov.au/NR/rdonlyres/3111267D-48FA-4D01-928F-8DA70173B936/0/DriveTestCriteria.pdf

Again, I strongly believe that the judgement made by the LTO was subjective and I that I did not exceed the speed limit continously for 5 seconds or more. I do not believe she took the 5 seconds allowance into consideration. I tried present my case but she refused to listen.
Please note that the my first 3 drive tests were conducted by the same VicRoads LTO.

DRIVE TEST 4 - 5 March 2013, 11.50 am, VicRoads Werribee
My drive test was terminated in the second stage of the test. The LTO gave me instructions to do a lane change from left to right when safe. I did not perform the task at at first because I did not think it was safe to do so and we were coming into a set of traffic lights. We stopped at the traffic lights and after the lights turned green, I asked the LTO if I should still carry on with the lane change and she told me to do so when safe. I did my mirror check, put on my right indicator and did my headcheck before I performed the lane change when I knowing that it was safe to do so. The LTO terminated the test and told me that I did a lane change when it was not safe and that the vehicle behind me had to take evasive actions to let me into the lane.

I performed the lane change with confidence that it was safe to do so. We were on a 60km/h road and we just left a set of traffic lights where it had just turned green. I made the lane change about 150 meters after the traffic lights and I knew that all the vehicles leaving that junction were only just picking up speed and I changed lanes with confidence.

How does one judge if the vehicle behind did actually have to take evasive action to let me into the lane when the LTO is not able to see for a fact that the driver of the vehicle slammed the brakes in order to let me into the lane?

DRIVE TEST 5 - 26 March 2013, 1.00 pm, VicRoads Werribee
I am booked for another drive test on the 26 March 2013.

I decided not to send the letter fearing repercussions that would affect my then impending 5th test.  I wrote the letter after much thought and out of frustration.  I knew that the letter would be useless but at that time, I thought I just had to do something about it.  In the end, it remained in my draft box.

I did not tell anyone about my 5th test at all.  I did not even tell my husband.  I resisted telling him eventhough we were talking to each other and chatting the night before.  I was so nervous the night before that I could not sleep.  My mind kept replaying the last 4 tests and kept thinking of all the other possibly reasons for another failure.  The images of each failure kept playing in my head and I remember all of them super clearly.  I can even show you which tree or which roadside the tester asked me to park just to tell me I failed.  I have done the test so many times that I am so familiar with the test route! 

Well anyway, that is done and I finally passed.  Now I am going to put this behind me.  I am sure in years to come, I shall look back and may even think of this as yet another trivial moment in my life.  All I can say and be proud of now is I hold 3 driving licences from 3 different countries, all in which I had to go through lessons and painful tests.  Oh yes, the root cause of all these pain and misery is – Malaysian driving licence sucks!!  It is NOT recognized in most parts of the world!

My almost flawless results sheet.

I DID IT!  And thank you all for your wishes and prayers.

(actual driving licence card will be posted)

The Snake Year

Being away from family for Chinese New Year can be pretty hard for some especially when you grew up with fond memories of the celebration and celebrating it with your loved ones.  It is especially hard when you are away in a place where the celebration is not really a big deal or it isn’t a public affair.  However circumstances are such that prevents you from going home to your family but it is how you make of your circumstance that will make the difference.  It is the same for all celebrations be it birthdays, Thanks Giving, Hari Rayas, Christmas, Deepavali, etc. 

For me, it is hard being away from my families when it comes to big occasions like these and I find it especially harder with social media and technology where you can almost instantly see what is happening back home, your families having reunion dinners, tossing the Yee Sang, the littles ones playing fireworks, wonderful foods, gambling and having so much fun.  Not that I don’t want to see pics (please don’t stop uploading) of them having good fun without me but it does make me miss home even more.  Skyping, Whatsapping or Viber-ing just doesn’t cut it, it helps but it isn’t the same.

This year’s Chinese New Year (CNY) was our second CNY away from Malaysia.  We were in Dubai last year because the kids did not have school holidays so we decided to stay in Dubai.  We had a good CNY in Dubai with friends.  This year, we decided to give CNY in Malaysia a miss again because of our move to Melbourne.  School started about 10 days before CNY and because it was their first day into a brand new school, I didn’t want the kids to miss school so we had to celebrate CNY in Melbourne.  Jiawen was very disappointed that we were not going to be celebrating CNY in Malaysia again.  But circumstances is such and I explained our priority for this year.

CNY Preparations

Like in Dubai, once again I tried to make the best of things and try to create the CNY atmosphere as much as possible.  Being away from Malaysia where the CNY atmosphere was very present, I thought that it was important to try to create a CNY atmosphere for the children.  Although we are not home with our families, I wanted to create fond memories of CNY for my kids too not just so that they don’t forget their roots but so that they can be proud of their identity. 

I brought CNY decorations from what I had in Dubai and bought more from KL and decorated the house with what I had in my collection.

 

Decorations into the house

  

Even my God of Good Fortune who came all the way from Dubai was hung

   

My 12-Animals were out (and they are still out).  People like to hang the “Fu” (prosperity) sign up-side-down to symbolize prosperity being poured down into your house but I like it the right way up.

  

I tied the pineapples and the red bunting to the heating ducts. 

 

After the trip to Footscray Market, I managed to get a whole pineapple, some fresh longans, oranges and “teekuih” to for decoration as well.  Not bad eh?  This got the CNY excitement building and the kids slowly got excited as well.

CNY Reunion Dinner

CNY Reunion Dinner was exciting for me not just because Shien Wei was coming to visit us but it was my first time ever to prepare and cook for a CNY Reunion Dinner.  I wasn’t only cooking for my own family, we had Siew Lee and her family over for Reunion Dinner too. 

At first, I wanted to prepare steamboat for Reunion Dinner because I thought it would be easy but after remembering that I only have one steamboat pot and we will have 9 people eating I decided against steamboat and went with dishes.  I looked into my recipe books and decided to cook Braised Pork Legs, Fish Maw Soup, Steambed Herbal Chicken and Siew Lee cooked mixed vegetables.  Why those dishes?  Because they were the simplest in my cookbook!!  Haha.

  

Preparing my Braised Pork Legs with Chinese Mushrooms & Sea Moss (Fatt Choy)

 

Fish Maw for the Fish Maw Soup with Shrimp & Fish Pastes

This Steamed Herbal Chicken is a cheat – the herbal ingredients was pre-packed and bought.  All I had to do was rub the herbal powder on the chicken and steam it.

Tada!!  And yes, we had Yee Sang too!  I enjoyed the preparation and cooking for the Reunion Dinner.  The atmosphere was there, the excitement was there and Shien Wei arrived that morning so I cooked with a smile on my face.

A bit black but my Braised Pork Legs turned out pretty nicely.

  

Siew Lee bought the Yee Sang from a Chinese supermarket nearby for about AUD$20.00

 

LOH HEI!!!  May the year of the snake bring everyone good fortune, happiness, good health and prosperity.   Loh to many wonderful years ahead.

 

Our first CNY Reunion Dinner in Melbourne. 

And I even had this playing in the background to add to the atmosphere!! 

  

  

After dinner, the kids played together for a bit while we adults sat down and chatted.  It was a lovely evening and I am so glad to have Siew Lee and her family with us.  We even called our BFF Mei Lin in Dubai to wish her. 

  

I was told that the “Cai Sen Yeh”, the God of Good Fortune will be visiting homes at about 3 am in the morning and will be entering from the East of the house.  So traditionally, families would offer tea or wine to “welcome” and “invite” him to the house.  Kinda like Santa Claus.  So I woke up at 3 am and prepared a cup of wine (rice wine, didn’t have proper wine) and a cup of hot tea to put out on the East side of my house to “greet” him.  With this, we hope that “Cai Sen Yeh” will come into our homes with good fortune for the family.  This was my first time doing this.

First Day of CNY

Eversince I was little, my parents have taught my siblings and I to serve them tea on the first day of CNY as a way of paying our respects to the elders.  Of course when we were kids, we only did it to get angpows from them.  And now that I have my own children, I have also taught them to do the same every first day of CNY.  I think it is a good family tradition to practice as it shows a form of respect to your parents and I think many families practice this tradition in their homes.

So on the morning of CNY, we dressed up and I prepared the tea for the kids to offer Shien Wei and I.  The kids then took the cup of tea and offered it to Shien Wei and I with “I Love You Mummy and Daddy” and “Thank You Mummy and Daddy” messages, hugs and kisses.  In return, Shien Wei and I wished them well and gave them each and angpow. 

        

   

Yes yes, I made my children kneel and serve me tea.  But hey, that is supposed to be the way mah.

GONG XI FA CAI, XIN NIAN KUAI LE from us in Melbourne!

This year’s CNY happened to fall on a weekend so right after the tea ceremony and taking pictures, we decided to head to the city.  Shien Wei was in town, kids didn’t have school so we thought it would be nice to go into the city as I was sure we would be able to catch some CNY festivities there.  I wanted to get the kids in the mood and enjoy CNY and to see how CNY is celebrated in other countries.

 

Since we hadn’t bought a car yet, we walked out to the nearest bus stop, caught a bus to the train station and then took the train down to Melbourne City.

We took the train from Laverton Station right to Flinders Street Station.  From there we walked up Swanston Street and into Chinatown on Little Burke Street.

We expected to see some CNY things happening but we certainly did not expect to see such a huge celebration!  The entire Chinatown was blocked-off and it was just filled with people crowding to watch the Lion and Dragon Dances!!  Firecrackers were going off every few minutes, the drums and cymbals in almost every corner.  It was fantastic and I certainly did not regret bringing the kids to the city even in this crowd.  It was definitely CNY!!  Spectacular CNY celebration out of Asia.

   

All along Swanston Street, there were maybe 5 or 6 lion dance going from shop to shop giving their blessings.  Firecrackers were going on everywhere and it was just a fantastic CNY atmosphere.  I was so happy.  It may not be new to those living in Melbourne or Australia but it was certainly a new experience for me because I have never really experienced one like this even in Malaysia.  I just loved the sounds of firecrackers!  For me, CNY isn’t complete until you hear the sounds of firecrackers! 

 

We met Stephanie, CK, Sarah & Sophia for lunch and we had, where else?  Mekong!  I first came to this shop many many years ago on my first trip to Melbourne (when I was young) and ever since, whenever I come to Melbourne I will definitely come to this shop for Pho.  2 years ago, I brought Shien Wei here and since then he has been dreaming of coming back here to eat Pho. 

 

Not a typical CNY dish but it was delish!

After lunch at Mekong, we watched a few more lion dance performances just on Swanston Street itself.  They lions were going from shop to shop along Swanston paying respect and giving their blessings.  Of course the shop owners paid for them to bless their businesses.  Jiaxiang was scared of the firecrackers and Shien Wei had to take him further away while Jiawen and I stood as close as we could to the lions.  The lion even paid homage to Mekong.

  

After seeing enough of the lions, we walked up to Chinatown (Little Burke Street) to catch the Dragon!

 

Dragon Dance is something we do not see a lot of so it was nice to see one perform as well.  Dragon Dances are more subtle than the Lion Dance.  Jiaxiang enjoyed the Dragon Dance much more than the Lions.

The lady above is my aunt!  Yes, she was a part of the Dragon Dance team and we managed to catch her in action.  I met her here for the first time ever.  She is my mum’s cousin whom I have never met before this and I am glad we caught each other and met for the first time.

 

The Dragon even paid homage to Buddha.

  

Lay Yong Ee came to see us after she finished with her duty just before we walked back to Flinders Street Station and caught the train back home.

It was a fantastic CNY afterall and I was glad that I took the kids out to the city to catch the festivities.  At least the kids will always remember and have something to remember of their first CNY in Melbourne.

CNY at Point Cook Town Centre

On the 13th Day of CNY, Point Cook Town Centre (a shopping centre near our house) had a CNY celebration so I brought the kids there to see what was happening.

 

There was a Chinese drums performance and some don’t-ask-me why Japanese ladies on stilts.

  

I don’t have to tell you why they had a snake show at a CNY celebration.  The thought and sight of snake scares and irks me.  You wanna know how I even took these pictures?  I just aim the camera roughly at where the snake is and then just click.  I don’t even look! :P And I am writing this entry with my eyes shut!

  

But I was super proud of my kids.  Not only did Jiawen touch the snakes, she held and carried them too!!  As for Jiaxiang, he was as afraid as I was in the beginning but succumbed to peer pressure, he was trying to impress a girl from his class.

     

There was a Lion Dance performance for a Vietnamese restaurant.

 

 

Chap Goh Meh

On the 14th day of CNY (eve of Chap Goh Meh), Siew Lee and family came over to the house for dinner and more Yee Sang.  We had another packet of Yee Sang and so I decided to have another dinner together.  It was to mark the 15th Day of CNY but we decided to do it a day earlier because of the weekend.

  

So we had Yee Sang, Tau Ew Bak, Curry Chicken, Bok Choy and White Raddish Soup for our Chap Goh Meh Eve dinner.

 

We Skyped with Mei Lin in Dubai.  It was nice to be speaking to her again and to see her face.  We miss her.

After Chap Goh Meh, I took down all the CNY decoration in the house.  Till next year…The Year of The Horse.